» Porridge

I like porridge… but not in the way that I like ice cream or having my back scratched. In fact, I wouldn’t say porridge could truthfully be described as being delicious.

But here’s why it’s been my breakfast of choice for the past several months: 1) It’s nutritious and filling; 2) it allegedly reduces cholesterol and blood pressure; 3) It doesn’t cost a king’s ransom.

However, there’s no getting away from the fact that its texture is a bit gluey, and it tastes somewhat bland, even if you throw in some honey and banana slices.

So, it’s fair to say porridge represents an agreeable compromise for me. And this is ultimately what all cars are. Confused? Bear with me…

Okay, let’s start with the way a car looks. Inevitably, each vehicle (regardless of whether it’s a Yaris or Lancer) starts off as a sexy, desirable vision in the mind of the stylist. He commits his vision to paper with his crayons, and the company’s top brass may then look at the renderings and nod their heads approvingly.

However, here’s where things take a turn for the worse. The packaging engineers get involved, and say there’s no way said shape will accommodate five adults and all the mechanical hardware that makes the thing go and stop in the first place. Then there are crash-safety requirements, pedestrian-protection regs, aerodynamic constraints and a myriad of other factors that have to be accounted for.

Then the bean counters get involved and say it’s all way too expensive, and those fancy mirrors and headlights will have to go. So, what you get at the end is usually a watered-down version of the car stylist’s original vision.

It’s no different for, say, an engine technician. He (or she) and their team have to come up with a powerplant that obviously satisfies basic power and torque criteria, but this must be balanced against smoothness, fuel economy, exhaust emissions, flexibility, durability, cost, complexity, ease of maintenance, and so forth.

Meanwhile, the poor chassis engineer has perhaps the hardest balancing act of all – creating a set-up that delivers decent levels of grip and handling, yet also serves up a cosseting ride. The problem is that good handling usually calls for stiff springs, dampers and torsion bars, and these ingredients are inevitably the arch enemy of ride quality.

So, they (chassis engineers) play around with clever multi-link set-ups, ‘active’ dampers that can adapt to any situation, and various other techno tricks. However, at the end of the day the suspension settings still end up being a compromise – albeit one that takes into account what the typical customer wants.

You can see the point I’m getting at here. There’s no such thing as the “perfect” car, and nor will there ever be (just like there will never be a truly delicious porridge). There are simply too many conflicting criteria for this to ever be the case.

But here’s the good news: the compromises become less so with each successive generation of vehicles. Many modern engines – particularly the latest generation of turbo-diesels – are staggering in their ability to deliver massive torque, yet still offer Scrooge-like fuel consumption.

At the same time, cars such as the Aston Martin Rapide and Porsche Cayman show that it is possible to create a car that attacks twisty roads with relish… and which also allows your teeth fillings to stay in place over badly surfaced tarmac.

Having driven cars from all segments of the price spectrum as part of my daily job, I can honestly say there are few – if any – substandard vehicles on the market today. They’re all at least acceptably good. And that’s something that certainly wasn’t the case a decade or two ago.

It’s an encouraging trend, and it’s proof of the fact that consumers nowadays have too many choices available to settle for a bad compromise.

Now, if you’ll allow me to get back to my porridge…